Tease, touch, taste me

Sat, 26 Apr 2008 22:33:49 GMT

Things are better again.

Krad, is the new work schedual up yet?

Watch the emo cat emo

Tue, 22 Apr 2008 05:50:03 GMT

Work was loud tonight.

[private]
I should have expected it. Of course he'd think that about me. Of course he wouldn't want me. I'm not good enough, for anyone. They all just leave me alone in the end.

I'm fine. I can be by myself. I've done it for years. Seimei left, he left me alone and now he's doing it again. Soubi left me alone too. I'm alright being alone. I'm alright.

Summer is coming soon. I think I'll visit mother. I wish Ritsuka would come back so I can disappear.

Can you stay for a while

Fri, 14 Mar 2008 11:10:08 GMT

[Private to Kio]
I want to talk to you.
[/end]

[private]
I'm really confused. Why would Seimei want me to be alone? Did he want me to sit and hurt for the rest of my life? I don't think that's fair. Not when he left me alone for so long.

I'm angry about that. I'm really angry at him. I don't want to be alone. It's not ok to be alone. I ... didn't realize how hard it was until I was alone again. I miss Natsuo and everyone else. Winry yells at me whenever I go to the cafe. So I've been avoiding it. I don't like sitting in my room and reading all the time. I'm running out of books.
[/end]

Wed, 05 Mar 2008 23:41:34 GMT

Everything is the same as always. Maybe I shouldn't have listened to Seimei. It's too late now though.

Wed, 27 Feb 2008 05:54:52 GMT

I went out and worked yesterday. Maybe I shouldn't have. I don't know.

These days feel just like death

Sat, 19 Jan 2008 15:26:11 GMT

Youji's stuff is all gone again. I'm here by myself; didn't even really get used to having a roommate, so I guess it's good he left now.

It's been really quiet. I've been staying inside and only going out to go to work at the Toy Chest. That guy won't let me work at the cafe. He says it's a hazard. Stupid.

[private]
Seimei's gone too now. I don't know where he went again; I just hope he's not gone for so long this time.

That - thing, put a dead cat in front of my dorm room. He's really sick. I can't believe that he's Seimei's fighter. He's too creepy. He came into the cafe too and tried to tell me that I don't trust Seimei.

Who's he to assume things about Seimei and I? He doesn't know how close we are. He doesn't understand that no matter how angry I may be at him; I still love him. I am angry. He should have said something to me. Both of them should have. It's like I'm not important at all - just some toy for them to come get when they're board.

Soubi has that Kio guy anyway. Even though he said he hasn't done anything with him that doesn't mean that he doesn't care about him more then me.

Now I'm just getting mad all over again.

Turning older

Fri, 21 Dec 2007 10:59:54 GMT

I don't want to be older.

[ooc: Welcome to Ritsuka's uncaring birthday post.]

And on and on and on he goes dancing on the graves of what he thought was still alive

Tue, 04 Dec 2007 13:26:30 GMT

It's too cold to go out.

[private/kinda hackable but not really]

I guess I really am. I mean, Kio's there. They're close. He'll take care of him. He said he does it every year. He doesn't need me to do anything anyway. I just get in the way ... and we fight.

Soubi and I fight a lot. There's always something we're fighting about. It's always my fault I think.

Seimei found his fighter which is good I guess. I don't like him but it's really not up to me. I haven't really seen him anyway. I guess what I was worrying about was true.

Soubi isn't my fighter. He's Seimei's fighter, so we're not like Natsuo and Youji. We're not close like that. We don't need each other like that. He'll be fine if I'm not here and I'll be fine if he's not there. I'm not a kid anymore.

Mom's been calling but I just can't seem to answer the phone. I've just been really tired lately. I think it's the cold. I'm tired again already. I don't think I ate again today, but that's alright. My hand's healed anyway; only a scar which isn't so bad.

I'm going back to bed.
[/end]

Maybe I should go home for Winter break.

Don't you know that breathing is the hardest part

Sat, 01 Dec 2007 13:25:11 GMT

[private to Soubi]

I know you won't get this ... but I hope you're ok.
[/end]

[private/hackable]

I, really didn't expect it to effect me like this. I should start going out again. Katsuko sensei said it's important. I haven't seen Yoh sensei in a while either.

That man. Kio. He can see him. He can keep me from him. I don't know why I'm so upset. It doesn't make sense to be this upset. Things have been weird.

I guess Seimei found his fighter. I don't like him. He tried to tell me I was bugging Seimei. Maybe it wasn't Seimei I was bugging. Maybe that's what Kio is trying to say. I'm not very good at figuring these things out. It's all ... sort of new to me.

I hope I'll understand it soon. It kind of .... hurts.
[/end]

Tue, 20 Nov 2007 08:46:23 GMT

Seimei. I need to talk to you. I'm going to stay over with you tonight; is that ok?

Paper pieces on the floor

Fri, 16 Nov 2007 19:36:58 GMT

The cafe was weird last night. A girl was groped twice, then Natsuo insulted a customer. I had to haul him over the counter and into the back while Winry held her back. Then Natsuo wouldn't get off.

I didn't think people were really that bad, the guy who tried to hang himself seems to though. I kinda felt like I needed to defend Cross. It was odd.

Ah ... miss. Maybe you should wear more of a top from now on.

[text to Soubi]
Come back. I want you to come back.

I don't care what Seimei says. I miss you. ~~I want you to kiss me again.~~
[/end]

Textu textu textu~

Tue, 13 Nov 2007 05:24:26 GMT

[text to Soubi]

Don't do naughty things with Natsuo. No matter what he says.

only do them with me .... uh ... nevermind that last part.

I can't help but wonder why the sun is so bright

Sun, 11 Nov 2007 11:44:46 GMT

I picked up a newspaper to see what was going on with Haine and things.

Natsuo, put Robo-waiter back. It's troublesome for the rest of us.

I didn't see anything on Haine though. I hope he's doing alright. Don't know why he would run away from therapy though. I'm sure the people in that place would be better then Honda-sensei.

I need not to need

Sat, 10 Nov 2007 12:20:03 GMT

I haven't seen much of anybody since Halloween. Just Seimei that once, and doctor Faust, but that's for my major now. Other then that no one.

I guess it gets kind of lonely, ya know. I've been doing a lot of studying. Anatomy and stuff. I tried calling mom too. She just hung up again. I should really start expecting it by now.

My hand hurts, so I guess I'll go put disinfectant on it again.

Would it be so bad if I could turn you on?

Thu, 08 Nov 2007 12:06:55 GMT

Youji's really loud about something so small. I don't understand why it's so important. It doesn't have anything to do with me anyway.

I finally saw doctor Faust. We did rounds, which was nice.

It seems like the more I'm here the more I realize that everyone around me is a little strange. I still haven't seen Soubi since that one weird day. I'm getting used to it though.

Calling all cabs

Sun, 04 Nov 2007 21:26:11 GMT

I guess I've been busy. Halloween I spent with Seimei giving out candy to the kids. We had to run to the store though because he was playing a mean trick. I think he even made one kid cry.

I ended up falling asleep on his bed like I used to. I guess I forgot what it was like to sleep with Seimei. I felt like I was too big, but I was really comfortable.

I'm sorry I didn't go to that party with you youji, but I really wanted to spend time with Seimei. He's really important to me, you know. I miss him a lot when he's not there. ~~Kinda like how I miss Soubi, but different, ya know.~~ I'm probably not making a lot of sense, but I'm really happy.

I went to see Doctor Faust, but it looked like something happened and they wouldn't let me by.

[ooc: Strikes are deleted.]

If I could fine a moent to go back in time; I'd spend it with you

Wed, 31 Oct 2007 05:18:09 GMT

I guess Halloween is coming up. I've never been one to go out or dress up; I don't have anything to do that for anyway.

Seimei and I used to go out when I was little. I remember that was a lot of fun, but I'm an adult now. Besides, I haven't done that in almost ten years. Still, I bought a bag of candy when I got my instant ramen today. I'll share it with Youji, Nill and Natsuo if he's talking to me again.

I don't suppose Seimei would want some ... would you?

T-t-t-tell me that I'm still the one

Tue, 30 Oct 2007 07:31:53 GMT

Mom's feeling better. She's gotten her strength back. I'm really glad; though she didn't believe that Seimei is alive. She said she wanted to see him. I said I'd try to get him to come home for Christmas with me. I should be back soon.

[private/mostly un-hackable]

She threw the iron at me today; it was still hot. I've got a burn on my chest, but it's wrapped up now. After I told her I wanted to be a doctor she accused me of trying to abandon her. She said I wanted to go to school longer so I didn't have to see her.

It's not true.

When I'm at school I miss her. I thought she'd be really happy about Seimie, but she didn't believe me. She said I was lying and that I wanted her to be sad again.

I'm just glad she's feeling better; no matter what she does to me.
[/end]

It's the sort of thing that makes life worth while

Mon, 29 Oct 2007 08:51:48 GMT

I'm sorry I didn't tell anyone sooner, but I'm in Japan. Mom's not feeling well and I thought maybe I could help. Seimei, I'll tell her that you're alright; I'm sure it'll help her recover more quickly~

Soubi, Thanks for yesterday.

[private/mostly un-hackable]

He doesn't hate me. I'm, really relieved. I was really surprised waking up like that, but I feel a lot better now. I'm really happy.

I, I hope Ritsuka doesn't come back. It's selfish, but I want to spend more time with them. I don't want to disappear.
[/end]

Wipe my teas and start again

Fri, 26 Oct 2007 05:52:32 GMT

Haine seems alright. I think I'm going to visit him again soon.

[private/mostly un-hackable]

I guess they're all gone now. I hope this makes Seimei happy.

I feel so alone right now. I really liked having friends. Having Natsuo and the others made me feel like I had people who really cared about me. I ... maybe I was wrong.

I want to live my own life and do what I want; but when Seimei looks at me with those disappointed eyes ... I feel like I've done something wrong. I feel like Seimei wants to be the only one in my life. After everything he's done to protect me, how can I refuse him.

I wish I could talk to Natsuo about it. He always makes so much sense of things when I'm confused. I see Yoh-sensei tomorrow, maybe he'll know what I should do.

I have to keep busy, so I don't think about him. If he doesn't want me then .. then I don't want him either. I don't need to be with anyone, I wasn't attached at all. I don't need Soubi to be here .. I don't want him here.
[/end]

Ah, Natsuo ... can I pick up extra hours at the shop?

[ooc: mood reads as board.]

Could you comfort me a little while longer

Thu, 25 Oct 2007 09:18:43 GMT

Nill, are you sure you're alright? Doctor Faust is taking care of that man; I'm sure everything will be alright. The doctor is an expert in his field. I read an article on him once.

Seimei ... I'm sorry. I promise I won't do it again. Not with anyone but you. Can, will you have dinner with me ... please.

[private to Soubi]

I, I can't do that with you anymore. Seimei was angry when he found out. I, I don't want to do anything that would upset Seimie.

I know you're already angry at me for something I did when I was sick. I'm sorry.
[/end]

[private/mostly un-hackable]

They're both mad at me. Natsuo and Soubi. Seimei, I don't know if he's still mad that they've kissed me.

I don't understand why it's so important though. It's just a kiss. I won't go against Seimei though. No matter how much I want to do that with him. I won't make my brother hate me. I can't.

I just hope I can remind myself if he comes back. I, think I'm starting to have feelings for Soubi ... I really miss him.
[/end]

[ooc: the mood reads as apathetic.]

Tue, 23 Oct 2007 06:22:14 GMT

Uh, Natsuo, I may be late tomorrow. I'm in the hospital now and I don't want to leave till everything is alright.

If I can't have you when I'm waking; I'll go to sleep and dream I'm with you

Mon, 22 Oct 2007 09:11:48 GMT

I'm finally feeling better. I want to see Seime, and Nill, and the doctor~

[Private/mostly unhackable]

He must still be mad at me. I don't know what I've done to make him so angry. I should be used to his leaving by now; but still, it hurts.

So many others came to see me while I was sick. Youji even stayed in the same bed with me. I, they were all so kind to me. I feel as if I am weak because I accepted their attention. Also, I feel selfish for wanting more, for wanting him to have come as well.

Seimi, I've made him work so hard. He took over my jobs for two weeks. I must make it up to him somehow. I must take care of him. I musn't burden him; because I love him. He has taken care of me, loved me. I must show him my love by keeping him at ease.

I cannot be selfish. I have no right to be.
[/end]

[private to Soubi/mostly unhackable]

I'm sorry I made you angry. I didn't mean to.
[/end]

Tura lura

Mon, 15 Oct 2007 17:20:16 GMT

I'm feeling a little better. I think that man's medicine is helping.

[private/easily hackable]

It seems like everyone who gets involved with Natsuo gets easily confused. He won't show Soubi that he misses him, and it seems there's something going on with Youji as well. We were up for a while talking about it. I wonder what Yoh would have to say about it. Maybe I should suggest he go see him.

Still no sign of Soubi. I think he's avoiding me again. I don't know what I did this time. I didn't tell him not to see me. I guess I was becoming too dependent. I really wanted to see him while I was sick. I understand why Seimei isn't coming over. He's so busy helping me with my jobs and stuff, but Soubi ...

I'll go to the church tonight and see if Nill is there. She's probably just been working with the doctor a lot. I'll call mother later today too. Maybe she'll talk to me if I'm sick. Somehow I doubt it though.
[/end]

And though it's just a line to you for me it's true

Sun, 14 Oct 2007 09:03:44 GMT

I think I broke the phone Soubi gave me. That guy is troublesome anyway.

[private/easily hackable]

I'm not going to kiss someone if I'm sick. How is that becoming closer. That's just making them sick. Stupid Soubi. He's sulking for no reason. I'm sick. I thought you were supposed to be nice to sick people.

It doesn't matter. Something like this is just like him. He's always pouting if he doesn't get his way. He's a troublesome pervert, that's what he is. Who needs a troublesome pervert visiting them. I don't. I can do just fine by myself. Besides, Charden came to visit and left soup, and Youji gave me soup too. Everything else I can do by myself. I don't need to rely on that pervert. It's not like I miss him or anything. I don't. Stupid perverted jerk.
[/end]